I don't know about the rest of you, but I've been hearing about The Rapture ever since I was 12 years old and my best friend revealed that me and the rest of my young friends were all going to be left, essentially, on the newly remodeled hell on earth when it came, while she and her family ascended to the heavens and eternal bliss with Jesus. In that little microcosm of international religious representation, this was quite shocking news. Since I was an inchoate agnostic, soon-to-be atheist, this was shocking for a different reason than for my friends, who actually appeared to be following in their parents Buddhist, Catholic, Greek Orthodox and mainline Protestant footsteps, as much as a twelve year old can, at any rate. I, on the other hand, had one of my first introductions (if you don't count a few odd family members) to my first insane nutcase whack-job belief system, and it was in the form of my best friend.
How could this have happened?! It was so close and so unexpected. Like, like…a Revelation. And it was. I still remember that circle of faces in the hall, and the silence that fell upon us as we had that group eye-blink moment, complete with crickets and shocked expressions. Really? So now that The Rapture is again upon us, courtesy of a minor math glitch, and one publicized religious nutball (not that I think there is only one), I gotta say again: Really? And don't you go thinkin' that just because all the other religious nutcases out there are saying this guy is wrong and givin' them all a bad name, or whatever, that he is in a small minority. Oh no. There are many others, if statistics and polls are any indication. The idea that they are pissed about this whack-a-doodle is, frankly, hilarious, 'cause their big beef is that, even though they too believe in this crazy believers flying up to the heavens and heathens being left "below", the bible says that the actual date is on a need to know basis. And the only one that needs to know is god (please note the small "g"), not us. Talk about your splitting hairs. 'Cause it's just a declaring of a date that is the problematic part. You crazies.
Although, as I understand it, this is all supposed to commence at 0600, which is definitely problematic, as I intend fully to be happily asleep when the fun begins. Hopefully someone will have their DVR set, cause I know this is gonna be a popcorn muncher.
Next up: the Mayan calendar's end-of-days (if you don't count the "end of world" that follows the rapture, in October 2011, of course). It's further afield than good ol' all-American non compos mentis that I find far more amusing, when it's not being a menace, but hey. I'm sure, true to form, Americana will be amply represented in that demonstration of lunacy too. As George Carlin said, and I paraphrase here, we've got front row seats to the greatest freak show on earth. So enjoy, and don't forget to visit the concession stand before the feature presentation begins. And ya might want to stick around after the credits…I hear it's a whopper.
